Puns

Karen thought this was funny:

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra….

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory — I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first, but it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker but then I lost interest.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro — what a rip off.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer.

Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.

I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not sure.

I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

Share
Posted in Things I Think Are ... | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Twelves

Happy 12/12/12 12:12:12.

Ben

Share
Posted in Family | Leave a comment

Flash Mob

I went to see a movie last night about a flash mob. This is better.

Share
Posted in Movies | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Anthony Rapp in “Without You”

I went to see Anthony Rapp again today in Boston at his show, “Without You,” at the Modern Theatre at Suffolk University. This time, I took one of the children. It was incredible.

Ben

Share
Posted in Me | Tagged | Leave a comment

Bert and Ernie Recording for TomTom GPS Voice

The wife thought this was funny:

Share
Posted in Things I Think Are ... | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

It Happened Again

I went to the Hanover Theater in Worcester, Massachusetts again tonight. This time I saw Classic Albums Live, the Michael Jackson – Thriller show. It was incredible. I took one of the children. We had a great time. The music was impeccably performed. It was billed as a bunch of musicians who get up on stage and play an album, note for note, cut for cut, start to finish, live. That might not sound too thrilling (pun intended), but it was amazing. They got up on stage and played Thriller, note for note, cut for cut, start to finish, live. Then they took a little break, came back, and played a whole bunch more Michael Jackson songs. The aisles were packed with people dancing: Kids; adults; older adults; really old adults. And they were all smiling. And clapping. And having a really good time. When there wasn’t any more room in the aisles, people stood up at their seats and started dancing. Everyone I saw was having fun. The performers were having fun. Even I was having fun.

This doesn’t usually happen.

But it did happen once before, and recently. And it was at  the Hanover Theater again. This time, it was with the other child. And the boyfriend. We went to see Buddy Valastro, the guy from Cake Boss. He showed up in town with an even sillier premise. Take an Italian baker from Hoboken, New Jersey and stick him on stage in Worcester, Massachusetts with a bunch kids and parents from the audience. Add some cupcakes. He teaches us how to decorate them. We laugh at the audience members as they try to imitate his designs. He tells stories. And everyone smiles: The kid; the boyfriend; the dad; the people on stage. Once again, everyone in the room was having a great time.

Family friendly entertainment?

I didn’t think that existed anymore.

But it does.

Search it out.

Ben

Share
Posted in Family | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Price of Fighting the Fight

Ten years ago, our area was overrun by the Asian longhorn beetle. We’ve been fighting it ever since. Teams of specially trained inspectors have permeated our forests and neighborhoods as they search for the beetles and their paths of destruction.

They claim that the beetles threaten our trees, but to date, not one tree has fallen victim to the bug. This does not mean, however, that we are safe. So far, about 30,000 trees have been cut down. They say that they have done this to protect our woodlands.

I wonder who is winning.

Ben

Share
Posted in Community, Me | Tagged | 1 Comment

Is Your Cutting Board Warped?

My cutting board is warped. The one I made out of the tree from the front yard. Not to name names or anything, but one of the children put ours in the dishwasher. Sometime after that, it began to develop a significant sag: the center is now lower than two outside edges, like a shallow “U.” It’s still usable, but I miss its flatness.

Before I go making another one, I’m interested in whether anyone else is having the same problem.

Please let me know here by taking this anonymous (although I could probably track you by IP address) poll:

How Is Your Cutting Board Holding Up?
Check All That Apply

  • It is still flat. (71%, 5 Votes)
  • It is warped, but sits flat. (14%, 1 Votes)
  • It is warped and doesn't sit flat. (0%, 0 Votes)
  • I still use it all the time. (57%, 4 Votes)
  • I haven't used it very much recently. (29%, 2 Votes)
  • It's all my fault, I put it in the dishwasher. (14%, 1 Votes)
  • What cutting board? (14%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 7

Loading ... Loading ...
Share
Posted in Me | 4 Comments

Why We Need More Hurricanes

I believe that we should schedule hurricanes a little more often. I got an incredible amount of stuff done yesterday:

The generator is all tuned up and working great.

The sump pump (the one I installed hastily during the last flood) is now in its new hole in the floor and properly piped.

The chainsaw has gas in it and runs well.

The lawn furniture and the fire pit are stored in the garage.

The barbecue grill has a full propane tank.

It’s a shame that it takes the threat of such destruction to accomplish so much.

Ben

Share
Posted in Me | Tagged , | Leave a comment

A Great Cook?

One of the child’s friends was over for dinner the other night. I made chicken sandwiches on the grill. After the first bite, the friend exclaimed,

“This tastes just like something from Burger King … except better for you.”

End of story.

Ben

Share
Posted in Family, Me | Tagged | Leave a comment